Considering the economy we’re living in, the foreclosure
crisis, offshoring of jobs, etc., many of you can probably relate to the “paycheck-to-paycheck”
script. Say you were building your own
business, steadily increasing business, doing better each year, and then the
economy crashed and you lost your main client.
And your house lost its value so you became underwater on your
mortgage. So, you hustled around for
other clients, and took lower-paying clients just to stay afloat. Now, you’re working just as hard, or harder
(7 days a week, long hours every day), but still, just to stay afloat, you have
to dip into savings. But you’re staying
afloat—just barely. Then, like many
Americans have experienced, your whole field suddenly gets off-shored to
another country where people will do your job for pennies on the dollar. All of a sudden, you are completely out of
work and have to find another way to support yourself. Perhaps, now you are in foreclosure on your
house and at threat of losing it.
What happens if you listen to the script that says, “no
matter how hard I work, or how much I cut back, I will never get out of this
paycheck-to-paycheck way of life.” Your
self-esteem goes into the gutter and you feel helpless and hopeless. You may even go into “globalized” thinking
where you see the whole world this way.
The jobs have gone overseas, there are too many people vying for the
same jobs, there are too many houses on the market, and “no matter how hard I
work, or how much I cut back, …[you know the drill].” You may even get so low that you feel like
giving up. But really, what are your
choices. If you’ve been working as hard
as you have for years, chances are, you’re not ready to just lay down and
die. And if you feel like you might
actually hurt yourself, please get to an emergency room or call 911 right away. There are people who can help you get through
that until you can get back into a healthier mindset. But assuming you’re not quite there yet, but are
feeling hopeless and dejected, and feel like you can’t succeed, think about it
this way. Recognize the script that’s
being repeated in your head, and how strong it is. Think about how deeply ground those grooves
are in your brain. But realize that that
voice in your head that’s telling you to give up is the “saboteur” or as some call
it, “the death instinct.” This is the
part of yourself who is trying to shut you down, to make you fail. And the script is a lie! Let me repeat that… THE SCRIPT IS A LIE! Don’t believe it.
There is no magic “secret” that makes some people succeed
and other people always fail. You are
not doomed to be penniless or always struggling. There is no magical larger force out there
who has deemed you unworthy of success. The
truth is, that everyone is struggling with something, all the time. Life is hard, it always has been and it
always will be. There are times that are
good and times that are bad. But if you
listen to the LIE that says your efforts are in vain, then what’s your
option? Either give up, and shut down
(stay in bed, don’t take care of yourself, don’t pay your bills, don’t work),
and things get drastically worse than they are now; or stand back up, and take
control over the things that you have control over.
So what does that mean, “take control of the things that you
have control over?” You don’t have
control over the U.S. or global economies.
You don’t currently have control over whether or not you’ll have enough retirement
savings. You cannot control where
industries send their work. And you
cannot control what the future holds. So
what can you control? You can control
getting out of bed at the same time you would if you had a job (ie., 7-7:30am
at the latest). You have control over
your hygiene—shower and dress as if you were going to work every day. You have control over whether or not you
exercise. You have control over how you
eat (your diet). You have control over
how you use your time. This can be the
hardest one when you’re un- or under-employed.
But if you have to, when you get up in the morning and get dressed and
eat a good breakfast, sit down and make a list of some ideas you can work on
towards that new job or business.
Include on this list any errands you need to get done. That’s another thing you can control—taking
care of your daily living. And then
start doing the items on the list. I can
hear you saying, “but how can I work on writing my book when that won’t pay the
bills this month.” That’s true. Anything that you have that brings in money
obviously needs to be the first thing you do.
But when you’re done doing the things that bring in money and all you’re
left with is too much time and nothing to do but fret, it’s easy to get
overwhelmed. Your mind starts flying all
over the place looking for solutions--“should I be a dog-walker and a writer,
or a veterinarian, or maybe a cop?” But
now your mind is in a panic, not resting on anything for very long, and seeming
to hit dead-end after dead-end. Just try
to slow it down, BREATH and focus on one thing that you can do right now. For instance, working on your book, or
researching one of those careers, or going to a networking event. It’s hard for us as Americans to slow
down. We think we should be able to act
in a moment and have an immediate successful result, or we’re utter
failures. But that is not realistic. These major life changes take time, and if
you are going to move in a direction that will be right for you, you need to
slow down and focus on the “here-and-now.”
What can you do today?
The next challenge in a financial or career crisis, is
dealing with other people’s comments.
People may say things that are judgmental or insulting, that they don’t
mean to be insulting, but reinforce the negative script in your head. Or maybe they do mean to be insulting. People can be very judgmental of others who
are having a hard time. It’s almost like
there’s an expectation that we should all have money when we need it, and that
if we don’t, we must be doing something wrong.
But that presumes that you have control over everything, the employers,
the economy at large, the markets, etc.
You don’t have control over that, so it can’t be all your fault. Our families, especially have the most power
to pull the emotional rug out from under us with a single word. Especially when you are having to lean on
them for financial support, they can act like that entitles them to judge you
as incapable and tell you what to do.
“Maybe you should go on welfare.”
“What are you spending your money on?”
“Maybe you should move home with me.”
These comments are like a kick in the gut. And you have to keep your boundaries firmly
in place. Just because you need some
help right now, in the moment, doesn’t mean that you are no longer an
adult. It doesn’t mean you are a
failure, and it doesn’t mean that you are foolish or irresponsible. It just means that you are human, and
struggling in a difficult economy. And
if your family can’t help you financially, that’s o.k. You will find a way to survive on your
own. Even living in your car is preferable
to giving up your identity as a separate, adult human being. All you can do is what any of us can do… get
up everyday, control the things you have control over, stay focused on the here
and now with an eye on figuring out your path for the future, and keep
trying. That’s all anyone can do.
A financial crisis like this scenario is probably one of the
hardest things a person has to deal with.
Their basic needs are threatened, and the helplessness has a tendency to
bring back up that negative script, day after day, moment after moment. So it is a constant struggle to fight it
back, and remember that it is a LIE.
Giving into that script would be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you shut down, things will get worse. But if you keep trying it has to get
better. And besides, what else can you
do?
