Saturday, February 16, 2013
Stress Eating and Depression
People are under more stress these days. Perhaps you're underwater on your mortgage, unemployed, or underemployed. Jobs have been offshored and those that are still here are more and more stressful. With the economy not quite recovering, companies are failing, stretched thin, barely holding on and every employee is expected to produce results no matter what the market dictates. You may say, I can't possibly have a healthy relationship with food now. Either you are too stressed to eat, or too stressed to stop eating. But the reality is, for someone with food issues, sticking to a healthy eating plan is critical to surviving the stress intact.
What happens when you stress eat? You feed the saboteurs. Usually it starts off in a seemingly inoccuous way. "I can have one Cadbury egg, it's so small." But then you've stepped onto the slippery slope. You know what I'm talking about. It starts with something small and then there's something after that. Your "crack foods" find their way back into your house. A little here and a little there, you may even truly believe you're still within your meal plan, because you've convinced yourself they're not that big a deal. But on another level you know these little variations ARE a big deal. You start to feel less capable, it may be harder to get up in the morning, the dishes pile up in the sink. And you wonder, what's wrong with me? What's wrong is that your internal saboteur has taken over and pulled you down into the black hole of depression.
Often I hear, my anti-depressant stopped working, or I think I need anti-depressants, or a new one, higher dose. When really what's happened is little by little you've fed the saboteur and given it so much strength that you now feel incapable of fighting back. That's not to say that it isn't possible you would benefit from an antidepressant re-evaluation. A good antidepressant can put the floor back under your feet and give you the strength to fight back. But what MUST happen along with every other approach, is that you must get your structure back. Sticking to a healthy meal plan is phase one. Each time you make a good food choice, you strengthen the healthy, nurturing voice in your mind. And the stronger that voice will be to help you fight the depression. If you are unemployed or underemployed, you have to get up at the same time each day. Set goals for yourself--writing out a list of things to do each day can help keep you focused. And lastly start keeping a food and mood diary where every day, you write down what you eat and how you are feeling that day (before or after meals). This will help you see how your mood affects your eating, and also makes you acutely aware of how big of an impact those "little" treats really have on your mood. And if you "forget" to keep your food and mood journal, that's the best clue that you've stepped onto that slippery slope and are giving the saboteur your power. Just start journaling again and you'll find your strength again.
The hardest thing for most people to accept is that your therapist, psychiatrist, nutritionist, wellness coach, cannot "fix it" for you. Certainly they can provide help and support, but you have all of the power. YOU are the only person who can get control, and you're going to have to make that choice every day. Keeping your structure in place makes it easier and easier for you to make the healthy choices. Getting up on time, making lists to keep you focused, getting regular exercise, and keeping your food journal are not "options." These are the basics. Non-negotiables.
Monday, January 21, 2013
What is the "Crack Foods List"? This is an item I came up with a few years ago when writing my Healthy Mind-Healthy Body Journal for tracking your food intake and moods. The Crack Foods List is a list of foods that for you are like crack cocaine is to an addict. These are foods that you know generally lead you to overeat more, or slip into a full-fledged binge. Here's a sample "Crack Foods List." Now make one of your own.
And remember, it starts when you go to the grocery store. If you buy these foods and have them in your house, then you WILL eat them. Any ideas going through your mind that tell you you can control it, and not overeat on these, is the saboteur setting you up. Post the list somewhere in your house, or in your purse or wallet. Don't fool yourself into leaving foods off the list either. You know which ones belong on your personal list.
Sample "Crack Foods List":
Entenmann's chocolate doughnuts
Oreo's (of any kind)
Ice Cream (even the light stuff)
Cereal (will result in late-night cereal eating)
Pasta
Macaroni & Cheese
Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Chocolate
Muffins
Ice Cream Sandwiches (even the "diet" kind--you'll eat 2 or 3)
Dove Bars
Milk (will result in late-night cereal eating)
Bread (will result in late-night toast eating)
Cheese (with the exception of laughing cow light--no urge to overeat on that).
And remember, it starts when you go to the grocery store. If you buy these foods and have them in your house, then you WILL eat them. Any ideas going through your mind that tell you you can control it, and not overeat on these, is the saboteur setting you up. Post the list somewhere in your house, or in your purse or wallet. Don't fool yourself into leaving foods off the list either. You know which ones belong on your personal list.
© 2013 Sue Brekka
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
This is an interesting article on the link between diet drinks and depression: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/01/08/drinking-soda-linked-to-depression/. The study did not prove any cause and effect, just a correlation. But I'd be curious to know which came first. The depression or the diet soda. Are people who are depressed more likely to gravitate towards diet soda? Or is it something else that leads people to drink a lot of diet soda and the diet soda results in depression? This particular study doesn't say. But as a major diet-coke drinker myself, and a professional working with people struggling with food and body image issues, I'd like to know the answer to this question. If there is one... Many people who struggle with their weight also drink diet sodas, and have depression. But many others drink regular sodas or no sodas at all and have depression. This subject definitely deserves more research.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Dealing with Food around the Holidays, Part Two-Overeating at parties
I’ve received a request to go into more detail on dealing with anxiety at holiday parties, which, for many of us, triggers overeating. Being in social situations,including (perhaps especially) those involving family, triggers a high level of anxiety. Why is that? Mainly that’s because of our own insecurities or self-esteem issues. When meeting new people, or even being around people we know, there is always the unconscious awareness that people might not like us or our behavior. There’s always the chance that someone won’t like you, no matter what you do. Being o.k. with that requires 1. Liking yourself no matter what others think; 2. Being o.k. with not having control over what others think; 3. Being able to accept and love yourself as an imperfect human being. The problem is that we all have an internal bully in our heads that tends to get activated whenever we are around others and have to put ourselves “out there” risking rejection or judgment. If there are things that you do not like about yourself-which is true of most “healthy” people, that risk of rejection triggers your internal bully who starts to compare your to others, belittle and berate you, and beat up on you for your perceived failings.
Essentially, you do to yourself what you fear from those people around you-judge you, criticize, laugh at you, and be incredibly mean to yourself. Typically our own inner bully is much harsher than others would ever be. So, the inner bully beats up on you, making you feel bad, which in turn triggers the need to make yourself feel better-you need to soothe yourself. Some people self-soothe by drinkingor doing drugs. But if your self-esteem is tied up in being the “good girl”, then those are not options. However food is. So you turn to food to shove down your bad feelings. This only works momentarily and then the bully is retriggered and embollened to beat up on you for overeating. And so you need to self-soothe again, eating more food, and so on, and so on… For many people this almost takes a trance-like quality where it’s just you and the food. You may even convince yourself that no one is seeing how much you’re eating. You feel like disappearing, and it almost seems you have. The reality is that people do notice. That’s even more frightening.
So what can you do when you’re going to a party, and you’re afraid it’s going to mean an unavoidable hinge? There are a few things that can help. But I’m not going to lie, it is MUCH easier said than done. It helps to recognize the pattern above, so that you can recognize it when it’s happening. But then it’s really up to you to go to battle with your inner bully. At first this feels impossible. It’s like going to the gym and working muscles you’ve never worked before. It feels impossible, and takes every ounce of will and strength. But like working those muscles, it does get easier. Your mental muscle get’s stronger. How do you do battle with the inner bully? It helps to think, what would I say to someone else who said such horrible things about themselves? It may sound something like this, c’mon, that’s not nice. So what if that skinny woman seems so perfect, You don’t know what her life’s really like.” Or, “why wouldn’t they like you? You’re a really loving, cool person. And a lot of people love you. So if someone doesn’t like you, F@#k ‘em. That’s they’re loss.” And “think about how badly you’ll feel after a hinge. You don’t deserve to feel that way. Don’t put yourself through that! You can take care of yourself. And you deserve to be well-taken-care of.” Remember, you’ll feel amazing, and so good about yourself if you don’t overeaten tonight. I know you can do it. And what a great way to start off 2013! Happy New Year!
Copyright © 2012 Sue Brekka, M.A., MFT
Essentially, you do to yourself what you fear from those people around you-judge you, criticize, laugh at you, and be incredibly mean to yourself. Typically our own inner bully is much harsher than others would ever be. So, the inner bully beats up on you, making you feel bad, which in turn triggers the need to make yourself feel better-you need to soothe yourself. Some people self-soothe by drinkingor doing drugs. But if your self-esteem is tied up in being the “good girl”, then those are not options. However food is. So you turn to food to shove down your bad feelings. This only works momentarily and then the bully is retriggered and embollened to beat up on you for overeating. And so you need to self-soothe again, eating more food, and so on, and so on… For many people this almost takes a trance-like quality where it’s just you and the food. You may even convince yourself that no one is seeing how much you’re eating. You feel like disappearing, and it almost seems you have. The reality is that people do notice. That’s even more frightening.
So what can you do when you’re going to a party, and you’re afraid it’s going to mean an unavoidable hinge? There are a few things that can help. But I’m not going to lie, it is MUCH easier said than done. It helps to recognize the pattern above, so that you can recognize it when it’s happening. But then it’s really up to you to go to battle with your inner bully. At first this feels impossible. It’s like going to the gym and working muscles you’ve never worked before. It feels impossible, and takes every ounce of will and strength. But like working those muscles, it does get easier. Your mental muscle get’s stronger. How do you do battle with the inner bully? It helps to think, what would I say to someone else who said such horrible things about themselves? It may sound something like this, c’mon, that’s not nice. So what if that skinny woman seems so perfect, You don’t know what her life’s really like.” Or, “why wouldn’t they like you? You’re a really loving, cool person. And a lot of people love you. So if someone doesn’t like you, F@#k ‘em. That’s they’re loss.” And “think about how badly you’ll feel after a hinge. You don’t deserve to feel that way. Don’t put yourself through that! You can take care of yourself. And you deserve to be well-taken-care of.” Remember, you’ll feel amazing, and so good about yourself if you don’t overeaten tonight. I know you can do it. And what a great way to start off 2013! Happy New Year!
Copyright © 2012 Sue Brekka, M.A., MFT
Monday, December 17, 2012
Dealing with food around the holidays
Did you know that some people eat normal amounts of food, even during the holidays? I confess, I didn’t. Growing up, there were never less than six different desserts on Thanksgiving. And that number seems to grow every year. Christmas there would be at least as many different desserts plus a non-stop progression of chocolates, popcorn, chocolate-covered-popcorn, pieces of chocolate broken off of the Merry ChristMouse (solid chocolate mouse) my godfather sent me every year. The holidays were, quite frankly, all about stuffing our faces. And if you watch T.V. for an hour, or talk to friends, or watch commercials, it appears that that’s true for everyone–that the holidays are all about food. Even Peppermint Patty rags Charlie Brown out for not having Turkey and Stuffing, and Pumpkin Pie! I could go on for hours with examples like the Capital One baby being bribed with Candy Canes, or food brands that associate their food with love. So why is eating so out of control around the holidays? I’ve got one word for you, FAMILY!
Typically around the holidays, we try to spend time with family. We all have our own holiday phantasies–that’s a “ph” fantasy, like a wish in our unconscious for how things should be if we were perfectly happy. We may not even really be aware of the phantasy, and it’s not necessarily the same for everyone. However, for many Americans, Norman Rockwell had a lot to do with the typical holiday phantasy. We’re with family, that we love, and everyone’s happy, opening presents, enjoying a good meal, maybe watching football, enjoying some treats, and there is “Peace on Earth, and Good Will to All.” Jimmy Stewart reminds us to be thankful for what we have, even in hard times, and the Bergermeister teaches us that even bad guys are eventually won over by Santa Claus. But these are phantasies in that our real lives can never really live up to them. And yet we hang on to these phantasies year after year, and oftentimes try to force them to come true. Some people go into a full-on manic flight, spending money they don’t have, getting angry with people who are driving too slowly, or mad at their family for not sitting down to the table while the food is hot. All because, things are supposed to go a certain way, and they invariably don’t.
In reality, most family relationships are complicated and difficult. Loaded, and charged with deep-seated emotions from past hurts, failures or disappointments. You may have to go sit across from, and have a conversation with, the family member who has completely different political views than you, and likes to out-yell anyone who disagrees with them. Or, you may have people who, for a reason, don’t see each other very often… because they can’t stand each other. And so for a day, both are trying to just get through it and keep their mouths shut–or full. Like they say, you can pick your friends, but not your family. Just because you were born into the same family doesn’t mean you’re necessarily compatible personalities. And yet, according to all that is good and “peace-on-earth”y, you’re supposed to cherish your time with them. These are very surface examples. I haven’t even gotten into the unconscious conflicts that we all bring into our holiday celebrations. The unconscious knows no time, so every family occasion is another opportunity for you to get “tweaked” in whatever way bothers you most. No one but our families can push our deepest buttons. Like the parent who comments on your kid’s behavior, or worse, just gives you “the look.” And you so want to say, “hey! You weren’t such a perfect parent, remember when…” But you can’t. So you shove it down with whatever is handy. And that, my friends is why we have so much food around the holidays, and have such a hard time not overeating. Because coming into close contact with our families (or maybe some friends), results in us being flooded with emotions. And yet there’s a strong cultural message that we are supposed to be happy around the holidays, Damn it! So hurry up and make your turn… oh, sorry, my bad… got caught up in the Christmas mood…
People deal with the holidays, and their families, not measuring up to the phantasies they carry from year to year, in a variety of ways. But the most accepted in our culture, is to overeat. “Everyone does it.” In fact, others who are doing so, try to get everyone else to do so with them. Have you ever seen so much junk food in an office at any other time of year? Candy, cakes, Christmas parties, cookies, we are surrounded by sweet, high-carby foods. Or as I like to call them, “Crack Foods.” The foods that for you personally, are like crack-cocaine is to an addict. These are the foods that you cannot even allow in your house, or you risk triggering a binge. And yet, at the holidays, they are everywhere, and people are pushing you to “EAT!” “It’s the holidays!” ”You can diet in January!”
But you know what, as I said at the very beginning, there ARE some people who eat normally during the holidays. I know you know what that is, “eating normally.” If you’re still reading this, you probably know more about healthy eating than most people. But how can you make this year different than years past? The first place to start is by recognizing what your “Holiday Phantasy” is. What is your Holiday supposed to be like? In your heart of hearts, how do you see your “perfect” Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa. Now, you have to realize that it is NOT GOING TO BE LIKE THAT! That is a phantasy, and real life can never live up to it. So, rather than setting yourself up for all of that disappointment, maybe it’s time to come up with a new vision of a good Holiday. What is your good Holiday going to be? For me, I think it looks something like this: eat a normal breakfast, lunch and dinner, and pick one snack and one dessert. You know there will be other times when you get to taste the other desserts. You don’t have to have a piece of each one. And if you have one too many cookies, o.k., it’s not the end of the world. The goal here is to 1. Not use food to stuff down your feelings; 2. Eat foods you like; 3. Eat until you are full. And this means stopping and putting your fork down every now and then so your body has time to convert the food you’ve eaten to glycogen, and tell your brain that you’re full. You have to stop eating so that you can feel full; 4. Feel good later that night (not so overfull you could burst), or the day after, and 5. not regret overindulging (because you didn’t). And just know, that you are going to be feeling feelings with your family and friends around. You may feel some social anxiety at parties or even with your own family, people may push your buttons. But it’s going to be o.k. You can tolerate it and get through it, and ride it like a wave (or moguls), and actually enjoy your holiday season.
Copyright © 2012 Sue Brekka
Typically around the holidays, we try to spend time with family. We all have our own holiday phantasies–that’s a “ph” fantasy, like a wish in our unconscious for how things should be if we were perfectly happy. We may not even really be aware of the phantasy, and it’s not necessarily the same for everyone. However, for many Americans, Norman Rockwell had a lot to do with the typical holiday phantasy. We’re with family, that we love, and everyone’s happy, opening presents, enjoying a good meal, maybe watching football, enjoying some treats, and there is “Peace on Earth, and Good Will to All.” Jimmy Stewart reminds us to be thankful for what we have, even in hard times, and the Bergermeister teaches us that even bad guys are eventually won over by Santa Claus. But these are phantasies in that our real lives can never really live up to them. And yet we hang on to these phantasies year after year, and oftentimes try to force them to come true. Some people go into a full-on manic flight, spending money they don’t have, getting angry with people who are driving too slowly, or mad at their family for not sitting down to the table while the food is hot. All because, things are supposed to go a certain way, and they invariably don’t.
In reality, most family relationships are complicated and difficult. Loaded, and charged with deep-seated emotions from past hurts, failures or disappointments. You may have to go sit across from, and have a conversation with, the family member who has completely different political views than you, and likes to out-yell anyone who disagrees with them. Or, you may have people who, for a reason, don’t see each other very often… because they can’t stand each other. And so for a day, both are trying to just get through it and keep their mouths shut–or full. Like they say, you can pick your friends, but not your family. Just because you were born into the same family doesn’t mean you’re necessarily compatible personalities. And yet, according to all that is good and “peace-on-earth”y, you’re supposed to cherish your time with them. These are very surface examples. I haven’t even gotten into the unconscious conflicts that we all bring into our holiday celebrations. The unconscious knows no time, so every family occasion is another opportunity for you to get “tweaked” in whatever way bothers you most. No one but our families can push our deepest buttons. Like the parent who comments on your kid’s behavior, or worse, just gives you “the look.” And you so want to say, “hey! You weren’t such a perfect parent, remember when…” But you can’t. So you shove it down with whatever is handy. And that, my friends is why we have so much food around the holidays, and have such a hard time not overeating. Because coming into close contact with our families (or maybe some friends), results in us being flooded with emotions. And yet there’s a strong cultural message that we are supposed to be happy around the holidays, Damn it! So hurry up and make your turn… oh, sorry, my bad… got caught up in the Christmas mood…
People deal with the holidays, and their families, not measuring up to the phantasies they carry from year to year, in a variety of ways. But the most accepted in our culture, is to overeat. “Everyone does it.” In fact, others who are doing so, try to get everyone else to do so with them. Have you ever seen so much junk food in an office at any other time of year? Candy, cakes, Christmas parties, cookies, we are surrounded by sweet, high-carby foods. Or as I like to call them, “Crack Foods.” The foods that for you personally, are like crack-cocaine is to an addict. These are the foods that you cannot even allow in your house, or you risk triggering a binge. And yet, at the holidays, they are everywhere, and people are pushing you to “EAT!” “It’s the holidays!” ”You can diet in January!”
But you know what, as I said at the very beginning, there ARE some people who eat normally during the holidays. I know you know what that is, “eating normally.” If you’re still reading this, you probably know more about healthy eating than most people. But how can you make this year different than years past? The first place to start is by recognizing what your “Holiday Phantasy” is. What is your Holiday supposed to be like? In your heart of hearts, how do you see your “perfect” Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa. Now, you have to realize that it is NOT GOING TO BE LIKE THAT! That is a phantasy, and real life can never live up to it. So, rather than setting yourself up for all of that disappointment, maybe it’s time to come up with a new vision of a good Holiday. What is your good Holiday going to be? For me, I think it looks something like this: eat a normal breakfast, lunch and dinner, and pick one snack and one dessert. You know there will be other times when you get to taste the other desserts. You don’t have to have a piece of each one. And if you have one too many cookies, o.k., it’s not the end of the world. The goal here is to 1. Not use food to stuff down your feelings; 2. Eat foods you like; 3. Eat until you are full. And this means stopping and putting your fork down every now and then so your body has time to convert the food you’ve eaten to glycogen, and tell your brain that you’re full. You have to stop eating so that you can feel full; 4. Feel good later that night (not so overfull you could burst), or the day after, and 5. not regret overindulging (because you didn’t). And just know, that you are going to be feeling feelings with your family and friends around. You may feel some social anxiety at parties or even with your own family, people may push your buttons. But it’s going to be o.k. You can tolerate it and get through it, and ride it like a wave (or moguls), and actually enjoy your holiday season.
Copyright © 2012 Sue Brekka
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